The Great Wheelin' one
by XxXWheelin'SenpaiXxX
Summary: This epic tale of one man who in an effort to reclaim his lost love will battle every force that dare oppose him from Char to the speed limit.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1- THE GREAT FRAUD RISES

IT WAS ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE FAMOUS WHEEL SKELETON RACERS, HARSH "THE WHEEL" PATEL. HE GOT THAT TITLE FROM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF SPEED HE HAS HARNESSED OVER THE YEARS OF HIS LIFE. SOME SAY THAT HE STAYS BETWEEN 360 AND 420 MPH. HIS TOO FAVORITE NUMBERS. BUT ANYWAY ON TO HIS AMAZING (READ: BORING AS FUCK) LIFE. HE GOT OUT OF HIS BED MADE OF WEED THAT HE HAD CUSTOM ORDERED FROM A SHIRTLESS ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FROM MEXICO. HE COULD ONLY SAY TO HIMSELF, "DAMN WHAT A DAY IT IS TO BE ME." HE THEN TURNED TO HIS FIGURES OF YOSUKE, HAKUMEN, AZRAEL, AND A SLEW OF OTHERS AS THEY ARE ALL HIS HUSBANDOS BECAUSE HE A MANSLUT WHO IS TOO FAST FOR ONLY ONE MAN.

HE THEN DECIDED TO BOOT UP HIS COMPUTER(READ: PIECE OF SHIT MICROWAVE) SO HE COULD TALK TO HIS BESTEST BUDDIES OVER AT TEAMSRW. THESE TOTAL BADASSES ARE A COLLECTION OF SOME OF THE COOLEST MEN ALIVE AND CHRIS. RYRY WHO IS THE COOLEST OF THEM ALL WITH HIS ABUNDANCE OF PURE MAIDENS, ROBBYGROLO-KYUN WHO LOVES MAIDENS WHO WEEP THEIR FUCKING EYES OUT, LAMESAMA WHO LEADS THEM AND WANTS TO BANG BRIDGET SO HARD, JOSH THE NICEST MAN TO EVER EXIST, AND SERAPHIC WHO CONTINUES TO STREAM FATE EVEN THOUGH JOJOS ALWAYS FUCKS IT UP. OH YEAH CHRIS IS THERE TOO. HE LIKES TO FUCK LOTS OF DIFFERENT THINGS. LITTLE GIRLS, ROBOT DRAGONS, CARS, RABBITS, ETC. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.

AFTER 3 HOURS WHEN HIS COMPUTER FINALLY FINISHED BOOTING WINDOWS 98 HE TALKED WITH HIS GOOD PALS. HE WAS OVERJOYED WHEN RYRY WAS SHITTING ON THINGS FAGGOTS ENJOY. RYRY WAS THEN SLAIN BY THE HOMOSEXUAL MODS AND HE HAD NOWHERE TO TURN BUT TO HIS OWN SADNESS. HARSH DISTRAUGHT BY HIS LOSS DECIDED TO GO OUTSIDE WITH HIS HAKUMEN BODY PILLOW. HE WAS HAVING A GRAND OLD TIME RUNNING THROUGH HIS YARD WITH THAT FRAUDULENT BASTARD IN HIS ARMS. THEN SUDDENLY A SPEAR OF FUCKING FIRE CAME DOWN FROM THE SKY AND PIERECED HAKUMEN. HARSH COULD ONLY STAND THERE AND WATCH AS HIS FAVORITE POSSESION WAS BURNED TO ASH LIKE THE WEED THAT HE WAS STORING FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. HE THEN SWORE REVENGE ON THE FOUL DEMON THAT HAD DEFILED HIS PURE HUSBANDO. SO HE EQUIPED HIS MASK OF THE CHILD. PREPARED HIS CHAOS +5 TWOHANDER. AND HOPPED ON HIS WHEEL SKELETON BICYCLE AND TOOK UP THE TITLE OF THE GREAT FRAUD IN AN EFFOR TO SHOW THAT SON OF A BITCH JUST WHY HAKUMEN WAS TOP TIER.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 - THE SPEED ONLY HARSH KNOWS

HARSH WAS GOING DOWN ROUTE 77 ON HIS WHEEL SKELETONS AT NEAR RETARDLY FAST SPEEDS. HE ONLY THOUGHT OF TWO THINGS, REVENGE FOR THE MURDER OF HIS HUSBANDO AND SHIRTLESS MEN. BUT HE HAD NO CLUE WHERE TO FIND EITHER OF THOSE. SO HE COULD ONLY KEEP GOING FAST WITH NOTHING TO STOP HIM. "THOSE FUCKERS ARE GOING TO TASTE MY 18.4K BnB WHEN I GET MY WHEELS AROUND THEM," HARSH SAID AS HE WAS TRYING TO GET HIMSELF EVEN ANGRIER. SUDDENLY IT CAME TO HIM HE WAS SO FUCKING HUNGRY. HE HAD FORGOTTEN TO EAT HIS FRAUD-EO'S, THE FASTEST BREAKFAST CERAL EVER. SO HE HAD TO STOP FOR FOOD.

AFTER SEVERAL MORE MILES HE BEGAN DYING ON THE OUTSIDE AS HE WAS LONG AGO DEAD ON THE INSIDE. HE THEN SAW IT THE HOLY BASTIAN OF LIFE THAT WAS MADE FOR HIM. McFRAUDS. HARSH THEN REALIZED JUST HOW FUCKED HE WAS AS HE HAD NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DO ONE CRUCIAL THING. HIT THE MOTHERFUCKING BREAKS. SO IN AN EFFOR TO STOP HE SLAMMED INTO A FUCKING BRICK WALL. IT SUCCEEDED AND HE LIVED BECAUSE HE IS MADE OF 420% PURE HARSHIUM, THE TANKIN'-EST ELEMENT KNOWN TO MAN. HE THEN TOOK SOME WEED OUT TO BLAZE IT TO HEAL HIS CUTS. SOMETIMES THIS JACKHOLE THINKS HE'S IN DEMON'S SOULS OR SOME SHIT. BUT THEN HE REALIZED THAT HE WAS IN BOSTON. AND HE WOULD RECRUIT RYRY THE BOLD TO ASSIST HIM.

AFTER MUNCHING ON SO MUCH FUCKING FASTMACS HE WENT TO FIND RYRY. IT WAS NOT HARD AS THERE WERE NO WHORES WITHIN A MILE OF HIM AND EVERYONE WAS MOTHERFUCKING BOWING TO HIS HOUSE. HARSH RAN DOWN THE DOOR AND RAN SO FUCKING FAST UP INTO RYRY'S ROOM. "SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKSHITS WHO ARE YOU?" RYRY COULD ONLY SAY, "WAIT HARSH? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE ASSHOLE." HE HAD DISTURBED RYRY AS HE WAS READING HIS FAVORITE VISUAL NOVEL, MAJIKOI Z WITH SO MANY PURE MAIDEN ROUTES HE ALMOST DIED FROM THE PURITY. NO SMALL TASK FOR THE COOLEST MAN ALIVE THOUGH. "RYRY I AM IN DIRE NEED OF YOUR HELP. MY HUSBANDO HAS BEEN HARMED AND IT IS UP TO ME TO DEFEND HIS DIGNITY," HARSH PLEADED. RYRY PONDERED HELPING THE MAN.

"NOPE," WAS HIS ONLY RESPONSE. HARSH WAS STUNNED. HIS FRIEND FOR LIFE HAD BETRAYED HIS ASS AND WAS IGNORING HIM TO READ SHITTY H SCENES. "BUT RYRY I'LL BUY YOU BERMUDA TRIANGLE DECKS," HARSH HAD RESORTED TO BARGAINING BUT HE SUCKED AT IT. "STILL NO YOU ASSHOLE NOW LEAVE ME TO MY 2D PURITY," RYRY WAS NOT HAVING ANY OF IT. "I'LL BUY YOU A FIGURE OF YOUR WAIFU," HARSH WAS GETTING MORE DESPERATE. RYRY ONLY SMIRKED, "YOU SAY THAT LIKE I DONT HAVE TWENTY," THEN GESTURING TO A BOOK CASE FUCKING STUFFED WITH PURE MAIDENS. "DAMN WHAT CAN I DO TO GET YOU TO HELP," HARSH WAS ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING WHEN IT HIT HIM, "I'LL CALL CHRIS FUCKING DUMB FOR ALL OF ETERNITY WITH ROBBY," HARSH PLAYING HIS TRUMP CARD. "I'M FUCKING IN LETS DO THIS SHIT WHEELY," RYRY SAID AS HE GOT UP READYING HIS LEGIT WEAPONRY.

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	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 - SPEED AND FRAUD

RYRY AND HARSH HAD BEGUN THEIR JOURNEY BACK SOUTH IN AN EFFORT TO FIND THE GREAT ROBBY. ROBBY HAD SUCH A DESIRE TO MAKE MAIDENS WEEP THEY SAY THAT HE CARRIES AROUND SALT TO THROW IN THEIR EYES TO FORCE IT. CHRIS IS ENVIOUS OF THE SALT THAT HE CARRIES AROUND. BUT THAT IS FOR LATER. RYRY WAS CONSTANTLY BEING BOMBARDED BY HARSH WITH STUIPD QUESTIONS (TYPICAL SHIT FOR TEAMSRW). " DO YOU THINK I'LL GET REVENGE? WHY ARE YOU SO COOL? WHAT MAKES A MAIDEN PURE? WHY DON'T YOU GANK? WHY DO I WANNA FUCK HAKUMEN? WHY DO YOU THINK ROBBY LIKES CRYING MAI-" RYRY THEN HAD SOMETHING TO SAY, " HARSH SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!" HARSH WAS THEN QUITE FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP.

NOT TO LONG AFTER THEY HAD MADE IT TO THE GHETTO, ROBBY'S CRIB. ROBBY WAS BATHING IN HIS POOL OF GRAPE SODA WHEN THE TWO SHOWED UP GREATLY DISTURBED. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE" HE ASKED WITH A FACE THAT SHOWED HE ALSO HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON. "WELL MY DIGNITY IS IN DANGER NI-" HARSH BEGAN TO SPEAK BEFORE RYRY CUT HIM OFF, "HARSH STOP EXPLAINING THINGS YOU ARE NOT GOOD AT IT. HARSH WANTS TO GET REVENGE AND I'M HELPING HIM BECAUSE I'M UNWISE." ROBBY WAS DEEPLY CONFUSED AS TO WHY SOMEONE OF RYRY'S STATURE WAS ASSISTING THIS UNWITTING DUMBSHIT. "COME ON ROBBY DON'T YOU WANT TO RUIN MORE THINGS? WAIT IS THAT SMOKE? U BLZIN' GRLO?" RYRY ASKED. "OH NO I'M JUST BURNING ALL THE COPIES OF ASTAROTTE'S TOY THAT HAVE EVER BEEN ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET" HE THEN POINTED TO A HUGE FIRE IN HIS BACK YARD. AS THE FLAT CHESTS AND LOLIS MELTED INTO OBLIVION SOMEWHERE IN THE GREAT NORTH.

THE GREAT SALTY ONE, AKA CHRIST AKA DONTE AKA FUCKING DUMB GOT A BONER AND CRIED TEARS AS HIS MAIDENS WERE BEING MURERED. "MY DICK MY TEARS. IT MUST BE ROBBY AGAIN THIS TIME I WONT STAND FOR ANY OF THIS. THIS IS THE DAY THAT I WILL SHOW HIM FROM KICKING ME FROM THE CHAT ALL THE TIME AND FOR CALLING ME DUMB. AHAHAH FUCKING FUCK I WANNA BANG PLATINUM. WELL ROBBY CAN WAIT UNTIL AFTER MY FAP."

BACK IN THE GHETTO, ROBBY WAS KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF HARSH. "I WON'T HELP YOU, YOU HAKUMEN MAINING FRAUD" HARSH WAS TO DIE BUT THEN BY SOME MIRACLE(WoTG) ROBBY THEN STOPPED. "ROBBY WE CAN BECOME THE COOLEST MEN IN THE UNIVERSE IF WE SHOW GENEROUSITY TO THIS DUMBSHIT" RYRY SAID IN AN EFFORT TO FIND SOMEONE TO TALK TO THAT WASN'T HARSH ON THE TRIP. ROBBY AGREED BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAD ANYTHING ELSE TO DO WITH HIS LIFE.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 - A CERTAIN FRAUDULENT WHEEL

HARSH NOW HAD GAINED TWO COMPANIONS OF THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF COOL KNOWN TO THE MASSES. HIS TRIP AT REVENGE WAS GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO BREAKING THE SPEED OF SOUND EVERY GODDAMN SECOND. HARSH FELT HIS STOUMACH DROP HARDER THAN FUCKING PERSUERS WHEN HE REALIZED WHERE THEY WERE GOING NEXT, OHIO. THEY WERE OFF TO SEE LAMESY THE GREAT. LAMESY THE GREAT HATES HARSH TO NO END. GOING SO FAR AS TO INSULT HIS SPEED THE ONE THING HE TAKES PRIDE IN. HIS MIND SPUN AS HE KNOCKED ON LAMESY'S DOOR. HIS MIND SCREAMING, "RUN THE FUCK AWAY YOU DUMBSHIT. RUN THE FUCK AWAY. HE WILL KILL YOU SO HARD YOU WILL DIE TO DEATH YOU IGNORANT FUCK PUMP."

HARSH THEN PUNCHED HIMSELF IN THE HEAD IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THIS NOTION THAT MADE SENSE IN HIS HEAD. LAMESY ANSWERED THE DOOR WITH A BLOODY FIST. "WHY ARE YOU GAYLORDS HERE? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY FIXING MY INTERNET?" LAMESY WAS KILLING HIS BROTHERS WHO HAD BOUGHT THEIR 90TH LAGSWITCH AT TO WHICH HARSH GOT A MASSIVE BONER. "LAMESY I NEED HELP," HARSH COULDN'T HOLD BACK ASKING ANY LONGER. HE WANTED TO GET REVENGE SO BADLY HE'D BE WILLING TO GET MADE OF FOR ETERNITY...WELL SOMETHING DRASTIC THAT WON'T ALREADY HAPPEN.

LAMES HAD NO INTENTION OF HELP HARSH. HE WAS ALREADY FAR TOO BUSY WITH MAKING SURE HIS PING WAS DECENT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT HARSH EXISTING. "COME ON LAMES IT'LL BE SHITTY SURE BUT DON'T YOU WANT TO HELP OUT OUR GOOD PAL HARSH?" ROBBY HAD GROWN TIRED OF TALKING TO RYRY AND WANTED A NEW CONVERSATION PARTNER. "I'D RATHER HE DIE. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I BELIVE MY WAIFU IS CALLING ME," LAMES SAID AS HE BEGAN TO WALK BACK INTO THE HOUSE. RYRY THEN WALKED OVER TO JAMES AND WHISPERED TO HIM "TAKE THIS," HE GAVE HIM A STACK OF BILLS AND SOME CRESCENT WEED SMOKIN' GRASS, "YOU CAN BACKSTABUU HIM WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER BUDDY. JUST HELP US OUT."

LAMES UNABLE TO RESIST SUCH AN AMAZING BRIBE WITH A CHANCE TO COMMIT MURDER HAD A CHANGE OF HEART. "OKAY I WILL JOIN YOU HOMOLORDS. JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO FINISH UP," WALKING BACK INTO HIS HOUSE. THERE WERE SCREAMS OF WHAT SOUNDED LIKE TOTAL GAYLORDS BEING SLAUGHTERED BEFORE TOTAL SILENCE. "OKAY I'M READY," LAMESY THEN LEANED OVER TO HARSH BEFORE WHISPERING, "SHHHH, SOFT AND WET, WHEELY. SOFT AND WET."


	5. Chapter 5

Chris was fucking killed by white dragon ninja slowly and painfully. THE END


End file.
